Coventry 4-1 Newcastle

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The seemingly interminable wait for Premier League football ended for Newcastle in a successive 4-1 Monday night away defeat, this time to a newly-promoted Coventry looking for their first home Premier League win in 25 years.

And a lilac-clad, lily-livered Newcastle were only too happy to indulge Coventry, shooting themselves in the foot with the kind of accuracy we could only dream of when shooting at the opposition's goal.

The night got off to a disastrous start, Hornicek clumsily conceding a penalty after three minutes and allowing Coventry to score just their second goal this season.

From there, the game settled into the pattern that would hold for most of the game, with Newcastle dominating possession, looking fairly lively, and looking absolutely allergic to scoring.

Chief culprit was alleged striker Matias Fernandez-Pardo who looks strikingly similar to Miguel Almiron at this point - full of running and absolutely nothing else.

Two glaring misses tonight did nothing to back up his claim to be our centre forward.

First a ball was fizzed across the six yard box, where he stood unmarked four yards out, at an admittedly awkward angle, and elected to simply jump over the ball - equal parts bizarre and ill-judged.

And later, a sumptuous Nico Gonzalez ball played Pardo in through the middle, where he used his pace to get away from the defender and found himself one-on-one with the keeper but didn't back himself to score, instead rounding the keeper in the hope of an empty net - which was suddenly blocked by a Coventry defender.

As John Anderson was no doubt screaming on commentary, aaarrgh JUST PUTITINTHENET.

But there were abject performances all over the field, including by the officials, who were only too keen to flag for early (and incorrect) offsides, but missed things like Coventry players being yards in our half at kick off, and worse.

As at the start of the second half, a Coventry defender used Willock's achilles as a launchpad to jump up and (accidentally) kick Willock in the head.

The outcome was (obviously) Willock being sent to the sidelines, Coventry being given the ball by the ref, Coventry attacking against 10 men, Coventry scoring.

Yet another feeble start to a half, compounded by bad luck.

The pattern of the game continued, however, and the otherwise shambolic Botman strode forward and fair leathered a shot into the top corner from 20 yards with 20 minutes remaining.

What should have given us a platform to go on and get something from the game was pathetically thrown away, however, Hall inexplicably holding the ball up for an age in his own left back position, trying and failing to buy a foul, then the returning Joelinton gaining possession of the ball in our box only to try and fail to dribble it out.

In hacking down a Coventry attacker on the edge of the box, Joelinton forced the ball to Simms, who hit a deflected strike past Hornicek - yet another deflected goal to add to the tally this season.

And as we half-heartedly pushed for a second goal, Coventry broke and we allowed an eighteen-year-old defender to score his first senior goal thanks to some nonexistent defending.

So despite dominating the game - and conceding four goals from six shots - we yet again contrived to get an absolute battering.

Hipster Hoofball, AKA Vertical Football, ain't working.

Wissa in the 10 ain't working.

Two in midfield ain't working.

Pardo absolutely ain't working.

Time for Jaissle to show his tactical chops and make some significant changes against Villa, or we're in for a long season.

Reinforcements in the form of fit-again Joelinton, Dedic, Osula and Burn will hopefully help.